


Maybe affection isn't so bad

by juliadava



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Peridot has anxiety, amethyst is great with helping, takes place during pd/rose bomb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 23:21:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15181568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juliadava/pseuds/juliadava
Summary: Peridot heard everything about PD through the bathroom door. Once everything is silent she decides to try and cheer up Amethyst.





	Maybe affection isn't so bad

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote most of this before the recent bomb so just pretend that Pearl and Steven left to find Sapphire and it took them a full day, that'd make more sense for the timing.
> 
> Also, I hate this fanfic?? But it's the only thing I've actually been able to finish so... here.

Peridot stared out from her place in the bathroom at Amethyst, who was sitting alone in the ‘living room’ with her eyes trained on the hardwood underneath her place on the couch. The lights were dimmed in the room with the only light source coming from a lamp beside the comfortable seat.

 

It was daylight out when the gems had learned about Rose actually being Pink Diamond, Peridot felt she had no business in this conversation so she listened from her spot in the bathroom. The revelation that the organization of the crystal gems was actually lead by a diamond, the very thing they were fighting against was enough to have Peridot rethink her time on the earth and, of course, what Lazuli would think of this.

 

“Pear?” Amethyst said with question, her normally loud and happy voice was dull and quiet.

 

Peridot realized that she had zoned out, she quickly turned her gaze back to Amethyst who was looking at her with a concerned gaze, Amethyst looked so small in the pale light.

 

“Urg, I- “ Peridot attempted to say something but couldn’t find the words, instead she walked quickly and took a place beside the quartz. The seat underneath her was soft and welcoming, yet she felt uncomfortable, not knowing what to say to her upset friend. Normally, the other gems would be here to comfort Amethyst but they had all left to try and retrieve Sapphire who had fled at the news of Pink Diamond.

 

“Are you, feeling okay?” Peridot asked awkwardly, meeting the purple gem’s sad eyes. Amethyst smiled, though Peridot could tell it wasn’t real.

 

“Yeah, I guess. It’s just... weird ya know?” Amethyst said with a deep sigh, closing her eyes for a brief moment while dragging her hands through her long, milky lavender hair. “Everything I thought I knew about Rose... has just been a lie” she spoke, ending it with a frown.

 

Peridot couldn’t understand, she didn’t join the crystal gems because of Rose. She didn’t know her, she couldn’t even say she _respected_ her. She had joined the crystal gems because of what they had fought for, being someone. Being your own gem. Amethyst struggled with quite the opposite, not knowing her identity because she never got the chance to see what she was made for. And apparently, Rose had helped her in starting to believe in her own identity.

 

“I don’t think.. _everything_ was a lie”  Peridot spoke in a faint voice, fidgeting her hands in her lap as she attempted to cheer up Amethyst. “Rose, she wanted to keep the earth safe. And, contrary to what I have said in the past. Rose did that. Earth will be safe as long as there are crystal gems” she said just above a whisper, wishing she had her tape recorder so she could express her feelings without worrying that she was saying something wrong.

 

“Gee P-dot, when’d you get so good at this emotional stuff” Amethyst whimpered out, tears seeped from her watery gaze. Peridot felt her heart lurch.

“Ah! Did I say something wrong? Why are you crying?” Peridot fussed, pressing her hands to Amethyst’s arm as she cried.

 

“No” Amethyst paused, sniffing and wiping her tears away with the arm that Peridot wasn’t clutched to. “No, you did nothin’ wrong P” she laughed, tears making their way down her cheeks again as she made the little bursts of laughter. Peridot raised an eyebrow with confusion, why was she laughing? Peridot hadn’t said anything funny, she was trying to help.

 

“Why are you laughing?” Peridot asked, concern starting to fog her mind. _Was Amethyst ok? Is something wrong with her?_

 

“I remember the first time I saw you” Amethyst seemingly changed the topic, giving Peridot a warm smile. The smile invited feelings that Peridot hadn’t felt for some time, it was a primal feeling, a flight or fight response. Her stomach felt twisted in knots and face flushed, Peridot stared wide-eyed at Amethyst for a moment before muttering.

 

“A-and..” she stuttered out, not understanding why Amethyst was bringing up the past when they were on an entirely different topic. Peridot also didn’t understand why she felt this way around Amethyst, she wasn’t afraid of Amethyst, her smile was actually the opposite, it made her feel safe and was quite attractive. _Ohmystars._

 

“I would’ve never thought you’d be so close to me” Amethyst had stopped crying now, her voice had regained its sunshine. Peridot did her job of cheering the quartz up, or at least for the moment. It was the least she could do for all of Amethyst’s attempts at getting Peridot’s mind off of Lapis.

 

“I’m glad that our relationship is as advanced as it is. You’re.. very important to me, Amethyst.” Peridot replied the sentence was enough to make herself flustered. She retracted her hands from Amethyst’s arm and turned away from her, her face felt flushed and red. Showing affection was something that Peridot never thinks she could get used to, especially with Amethyst.

 

“Hey, P. You’re important to me too, ya nerd” Amethyst said softly, placing her hand on Peridot’s shoulder. Peridot turned back towards her, surprised by the contact. She met Amethyst’s purple eyes which were shimmering with concern, her eyebrows threaded upwards.

“Have you been doin’ alright, Dot? I haven’t seen you for a few days.”

 

Peridot swallowed, feeling guilty about wallowing in the bathroom. Amethyst had suggested getting out and doing things when she felt down but she often found that hard and preferred to just sleep it through, listening to the music that she often listened to with her barn mate.

“I suppose so” Peridot lied, moving her gaze away from Amethyst. The grip on her shoulder was released and moved down to grip one of Peridot’s hands. Peridot nearly jumped, looking down to see Amethyst’s hand resting atop of her own.

 

“You got to cheer me up, now it’s my turn. Tell me what’s up ” Peridot heard Amethyst speak clearly but couldn’t focus, she was too drawn to the fact that the heat in her cheeks was caused do to minimal contact, contact that Amethyst often showed to Peridot so she couldn’t understand why this time was different. It was overwhelming, all the emotions she was feeling.

 

“P?” Amethyst spoke again.

 

“Ah! Right, umm” Peridot felt herself snap back to the present. “I, err still wonder what Lazuli is doing. Often. I, I just can’t stop thinking that I could’ve done _better_ ” Peridot stuttered out if her face wasn’t flushed before it certainly was now.

 

“Hey, listen. I know Lapis is your friend and all but she’s got her own stuff going on. It’s not ok that you had to be someone else around her. It’s not your fault” Amethyst's grip had turned at Peridot’s wrist, the palms of their hands meeting and fingers entwining. Peridot stared down at them, moving her gaze upwards and managing out a flustered noise before moving backward, removing the contact at her hand and making more space between them. Peridot got to her feet, feeling something inside of her regretting the action.

“Sorry, if that was too much” Amethyst had gotten to her feet now too, hands up in the air to gesture that she didn’t mean it.

 

“I- it’s ok..It’s just, errr warm in here” Peridot fumbled with her words again, pressing a palm to her forehead, wanting to mentally slap herself for acting like this. Homeworld had taught her that showing emotion would often result in shattering, so talking about stuff like this often got her worked up.

 

“We can move outside if you’d prefer that” Amethyst suggested.

 

“Yes, that’ll be better” Peridot nodded, shuffling towards the door. Amethyst walked over, opening the door for both of them then walking out onto the balcony. The view had never failed to impress Peridot, the crashing waves in the distance and the almost endless shoreline was a sight that she had found time to appreciate. She walked out and leaned against the wooden railings, Amethyst joining her but with more of a distance, giving Peridot room to breathe.

 

“Does talking about your feelings make you scared?” Amethyst asked after a brief silence, her gaze was focused out onto the beach. Peridot felt dread fill her, _was it that obvious?_

 

“Yes” Peridot said curtly. There was more silence for a moment before Amethyst turned her head to face Peridot again.

 

“Pearl and Garnet have stuff like that too, they freeze up on the battlefield sometimes” Amethyst explained, pity was in her gaze which made Peridot feel guilty again. “Their past experiences often affect certain things with their daily lives” she continued. Peridot blinked, _this was because of homeworld?_ “Sometimes all they have to do is remove themselves from the situation and breathe through it. Other times it’s worse and I have to help them through it” Peridot wasn’t sure why Amethyst was telling all of this to her but she found herself having more respect for Amethyst, being there to help them all through their problems. “So, if you feel scared like that again, I can help you” Amethyst finished.

 

Peridot was silent for a while, eventually managing a small nod. Amethyst smiled again, making Peridot fluster once more. The feelings that Peridot got from Amethyst weren’t scary, Peridot found comfort in the quartz. Amethyst was safety.

 

"You don't have to tell me anything yet if you're too uncomfortable to do so. I just wanted you to know that I'm here to listen and that you're feelings are valid, P." Peridot hadn't ever heard someone say stuff like that to her before, she was almost stunned.

“Hey! We haven’t checked on the garden for awhile, wanna go do that?” Amethyst thankfully changed the topic again. It had been some time since they had visited the plants, Peridot nodded.

 

“Yes, I’d like to see their progress” Peridot said, returning the smile.

 

“Great!” Amethyst beamed, walking over and reaching a hand out before pausing. “Can I, uhh. Hold your hand?” she asked. This time it wasn’t just Peridot who was blushing, Amethyst’s light purple cheeks had darkened a few shades. Peridot gulped.

 

“Y-yes” she nodded, taking Amethyst’s hand and feeling butterflies in her stomach, she felt her lips curve up into a faint smile. Peridot wanted to stay like this, she had felt this with Lapis but it was different. It wasn’t real or .. healthy. Before Peridot could say anything she was suddenly being yanked into the direction of the stairs, Amethyst laughing as they made their way onto the beach. Peridot let out a burst of laughter as they ran along the beachside towards the lighthouse on top of the cliff.

 

Once they had made it there, Peridot practically lit up. The flowers had _flourished,_ petals of all different shapes and colors were being lit up by the radiance of the moon and the dim light of the lighthouse above.

 

“Wow” Peridot said in awe, slipping her hand out of Amethyst’s so she could touch the plants. It reminded her so much of the time she had spent planting at the barn with Lapis. Peridot hadn’t wanted to plant all the vegetation, it was Lapis’s idea and Peridot knew better than to argue. The flowers were Peridot’s idea. Peridot turned over to Amethyst who seemed to be enjoying the view as well, her gaze was captivated by the growth around her.

 

“Which ones are the hydrangeas?” Amethyst asked, still searching the rows of beautiful flora around her. Peridot got to her feet, shifting her gaze around for the small circular plants. She spotted the purple flowers and walked over. Amethyst followed behind and stopped in front of them. There was a mixture of purples and pinks and a few green ones. Peridot watched as Amethyst knelt down in front of one and picked a few petals off.

 

“These ones have green _and_ purple” Amethyst commented, standing back up and holding out her cupped palm which was filled with little purple and green mixed flowers. Peridot opened her mouth into a little ‘o’ and picked one up from Amethyst’s palm, studying it. It was green at its base and was tinted with purple around the edges.

 

“Hydrangeas tend to turn green due to age, so it-” Peridot paused as she watched Amethyst grab the petals from her hand and start to place them into her blonde hair. “What are you doing?” Peridot asked, confused by this action.

 

“I’m decorating you, like a... Peri tree!” Amethyst’s voice was warm and soft, her smile was relaxed and eyes trained on placing the flowers in the correct position. Peridot swallowed. Amethyst’s lips were slightly parted as she worked.

 

“There, now-” As Amethyst stood back to admire her handiwork she was cut off by Peridot’s lips, she stood there confused before Peridot immediately pulled back.

 

“OH MY STARS” She squeaked. Her eyes wide and heart racing. “I-I’m sorry, I didn't mean to. I just-” it was Peridot who was cut off this time, Amethyst leaned back in to take the kiss. Peridot froze for a moment before melting into the kiss, moving her arms up to drape over Amethyst’s shoulders. It was slow and awkward, Peridot not having any experience and Amethyst having hundreds of years worth. When they pulled back Peridot was staring at Amethyst with rounded eyes. _Maybe affection isn’t so bad._ Peridot almost felt as if something had been resolved, she assumed it was the feelings she harbored for Amethyst, one of the things she tried to push away with the fear of it being wrong. Her feelings weren’t wrong, they weren’t gross, she could see that now.

  
“Finally!” Amethyst was the first one to speak, she was smiling brightly, blush still tinted her skin. Peridot stared at her bewildered, she opened her mouth to question her but Amethyst kept talking. “I tried sooo hard to kiss you but my timing was always wrong and I didn’t know if you even liked me? Then you and Lapis were hanging out all the time I thought you definitely didn’t like me then cause you stayed in the barn all the time” Peridot listened as Amethyst ranted on and on, chuckling at her words. _Affection definitely isn’t bad._


End file.
